I was feeling “should-on” recently. This is something I do not like very much. In the words of Dug from Disney’s Up: “I do not like the cone of shame.” I think I pull away from people who do this to me frequently enough, even if I think they are amazing.
I hated feeling “should-ed.” Apparently, if you “should” me, it tends to bring out my dark side. I maybe start to act like that crazy guy Andy Samberg plays who’s always throwing stuff on the ground . . . I think at some point, I go “screw that; I’m done.”
I love learning from other people. I love listening to the wisdom God has spoken into their lives. I know He has done likewise in my life. I know I have something to offer. The idea of ever being placed on a pedestal for that purpose sounds scary and unhealthy, and I don’t ever want that. The idea of nobody listening and acting as if I have nothing of value to say makes me feel just sad.
I like balance. Balance feels healthy.
Do you know what happens when you start to internalize the “should’s” and the shame? You start hiding. “Hey, Adam and Eve! You’re not good enough. You should eat this piece of fruit. You will go from sucking and being inadequate to being godlike and amazing. You’re welcome.”
Cue fig leaves.
“What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?'” ~Isaiah 45:9, NLT
What funny beings are we that we are so affected by mere opinion—be it that of another human or even an angel! Why do we care so much?
I know why.
Day after day we are bombarded by messages of communicated worthlessness. Maybe we start believing those messages. We internalize them. So, we start to walk around like little affection and affirmation-starved puppies. So needy! We forget how rich we are. We forget the value imputed to us. We forget that we are children of the Most Amazing and Creative Being that ever there was—the Glorious Trinity! Not only are we loved, we are bombarded with love from a least three different angles. That’s only the beginning.
I absolutely love other puppies, but at the end of the day, I cannot have even the most adorable and fluffy defining me. They’re in the same boat I am in! There are some limitations there . . .
But, anyways . . . thank you!
Thank you to all the fluffy puppies out there in all their delightfully messy puppy-glory whose puppy-love simply doesn’t cut it. I wouldn’t have learned to ask for or even look for more if you hadn’t simply been you right where you are at. It wasn’t enough, but that’s okay! Puppies are meant to be played with and adored— not stuck with all that pressure that comes with a judge’s seat and gavel.
Also, thank you, satan, for being a ding-bat and showing me what God’s voice doesn’t sound like.
Thank you, Holy Spirit and Papa God and Jesus for this absolutely awesome learning adventure. I’m starting to get over the bs and am learning to receive love in its purest form.